A Whale’s Vagina
Posted on | June 19, 2010 | No Comments
Well Hell FUCKING Yeah!!! I am finally on my way to SD where I belong. The splendid sun, the no humidity, the cool breeze, the ocean air, the CARNE ASADA Burrrrrrrrrrito’s!!! blahh haha haha.. The WOOWIS!! I love San Diego with a passion!
I spent a week in San D just relaxing, going to Dog Beach daily to play with magic, drinking beers with the fellas after work, eating burritos and fish tacos, inhaling the smells of Cali, watching the sunsets on the cliffs, cooking ribs and making crack sauce, and just overall soaking up the greatness that is the South West Coast.
I finally had a place (thank you Woowis, Alex, and Dave) to unload my car and make my ride a little lighter, a little more friendly on gas, and a whole lot more roomy. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace as I hit SD and dropped my bags. The week went by in the blink of an eye. It was now time to plan the next couple weeks. With Savage coming to visit on March 17th I had about 15 days to drive the coast and hit the big cities as well as the big national parks.
Vegas baby Vegas
Posted on | June 19, 2010 | No Comments
I was lucky enough to enjoy Vegas with someone very special to me. A best friend that no one can replace. I’ve been to Vegas many times but everytime brings new adventure and wonder. Check list for Vegas :
- Fancy diner upon arrival – check
- A night out at Tao, VIP style, with naked girls basting in bathtubs full of rose pedals – check
- Free H2 limo service and VIP entry to Saphire’s- check
- First time lap dances for the girls, complementary lap dances for Papi – check
- Skin printing on suite glass windows 25 stories above the strip – check
- Getting walked in on while “skin printing,” then given another 45 minutes to finish- check
- Screaming at hotel staff at 8am, 9am, and 9:30am to come back fucking later and do not disturb – check
- Sharing a wonderful breakfast and baking poolside – check
- Ballistic belly busting eating at Bellagio Buffet – check
- Relishing in the awe of cirque du soleil – check
- Slot hopping for free drinks as a pregame – check
- Magnificent memories at clubs, bars, and squares – check
- 24 hour liquor stop across from Bailey’s – check
- Gondola ride at the Venetian with that special someone – check
- Staying an extra night cuz it’s just never enough – check
- Awesomeness – CHECK!
Thank you Vegas
Phoenix to Vegas – the “360″
Posted on | June 19, 2010 | No Comments
I arrive in Phoenix at a sweet 80 degrees on Feb. 19th. Happy as hell I passed thru the boarder patrol I totally can’t wait to drop my bags and and inhale some relaxation. I get Lia Denise’s house where I get my first chance to rub her pregnant belly. I bring a bag of Chico’s Taco’s to her fiance
I had a blast in Phoenix, even for just that one night. I hung with girl my Lia Denise and Davina French Fries. It was soo awesome to see friends I hadn’t seen in a while. It was 80 degrees and sunny when I got to Phoenix on Feb. 19th. When I woke up the next day after about 3 hours of sleep it was 47 and raining! .. buuulllshit! So now I’m looking at a six hour drive to Vegas in shit weather, exhausted from last nights escapades, but with two good things on my side; some delicious purple that LD hooked me up with and a special treat waiting for me in Vegas. I purge thru the crushed feeling and hit the road. What I thought was going to be the worst drive of my trip ended up being the most spiritually connecting moment thus far.
Imagine this- a road where time seems to stand still. There are no signs of industry, no gas stations, no quick stops, no nothing. Just you, mountains, valleys, and the open road. I may have seen a hundred cars on my 186mile stretch thru AZ. The clouds lay low from the early morning rain and the jutting mountain tops split thru low fog creating a super 3-D landscape. The road was windey and around every corner was something more beautiful then the last. The rain cleared up and as the clouds started to break you could see beams of sunlight splitting thru to touch different areas of the vacant land. It looked like spotlights directing where to go. The sun came out, my heart opened up, and as I watched a hawk fly in front of my car for about a half mile I shed my first tear of the trip.
I pulled over to scale a mountain along side the road, and after reaching the top I found new meaning to the term 360 degrees. I truly stunning view as I rotated my head one, two, three, four times around only to see luscious mountain ranges split by rivers and low laid fog. I felt the touch of God on top of that mountain, and could see the beauty of this world thru his eyes.
Alas, I finished my journey through AZ and made it to Vegas just in time for our diner reservations. And after a spiritual drive I land in the devil’s playground to cause some ruckus 
Pissing and Punching
Posted on | May 4, 2010 | No Comments
After a 15 hour drive I make it New Orleans around midnight on Saturday. Not expecting to get here until Sunday, I had no hotel ready for me. I give hotels.com a ring and have them help me find a spot last minute, thats in a good area. Let me paint a picture of my safe hotel. About a 13×15 size room, with two stove top burners to cook rock on, a double peephole door system that not only checks who the visitor is but also allows you to see if he/she is packing heat, and a decrotive wall of two framed posters that are exactly the same. Awesome! I get my rest, a good work out in the AM and I’m now ready to rock this bitch; only after a supieror breakfast from Sonic consisting of french fries, cherry limeaid, and footlong cooney dog smuthered with chilli and cheese:)
I get to my hotel that’s a couple miles from the french quarter, just over the other end of the water off the 90. Upon check in I meet my nieghbors Country and Cowboy. They’re tailgating for the superbowl in front of their hotel with a mini charcoal grill proped up on the tailgate of an old Ford truck. Dogs, onions, and apples cover the grill. We get to talking and Country shares with me his stories of Katrina. WOW! Let me tell you, it was one thing seeing that news on TV but it is a totally different ballgame when its right in front of your face. New Orleans is STILL fucked up from all that water. And after listening to Country talk about the devistation and desperation of people resulting from the storm, it almost brought tears to my eyes. I shared some hootch and crack sauce with him and he gave me a bag of gold and silver beads to ring in the Mardi. I then set sail for the french quarter and mountains of duebachery.
WHO DAT….. WHO DAT…. WHO DAT said they gunna beat dem Saints, WHO DAT!!! This was echoing thru the streets of New Orleans. Never have I seen a city more excited for football!! And thats saying a lot considering I lived around Philly for a little over five years. New Orleans is the definition of a football town. Of course, there’s always one bad apple in the bunch. You wouldn’t believe my fucking cab driver…. So I’m all ready to go, Drew B Jersey, black and gold jeans, silver and gold beads, totally decked out. The cabby picks me up, seems like a normal guy, a little weird but nothing serious. So we head over the traffic covered bridge and the cab driver takes Camp st into the quarter, which is the busiest exit in New Orleans right now. He starts to curse the traffic and tells me he can’t believe there’s all this traffic on a Sunday. He then mentions, “Well, I thought I heard something about some kind of game today, maybe that’s what the problem is.” I was a little baffled by his statement, especially when he follows it up with, “Yea, I guess that’s it, I don’t even know who’s playing.. do you know who’s playing??” …. Um… What? Are you serious? So I’m thinkin to myself, this guys fuckin with me. There’s no way he doesn’t know whats going on today… Way! He looked back from the drivers seat and saw my jersey (of course this jersey matches the millions of jersey’s walking around the city, sidewalks, and your cab) and he goes, “OH, well it looks like you know whats going on cuz you got one of those shirts on.. So who’s playing anyway?”…. Um, wow… first of all its not a shirt, its a jersey, and its not a game, its the Superbowl. I tell him that the New Orlean Saints are going for their first win in one of the biggest american sporting events of the year.. he says nothing. I threw him a 10 spot on a $20 fixed rate and told him I’d walk the rest of the way (1 block), he said nothing about me shorting him 50% of the fare. Embarassment’s a motherfucker.
I march on towards the fun walking by people caring mamouth goal posts, toating tuba’s, head dresses, beads, jerseys, feathers, and even gold spray painted fans covered from head to toe with N.O. love. I demolish a beer brat smuthered with sourkrat, and move into position for drink number one… cause remember, we’re not counting the pregame hootch shots and beers with Country. I find a spot, grab a HUGE captain n coke, survey the land…. not feelin it. On to the next spot with one thought in mind, “I’m just gonna walk until I see a place that grabs, right in my party soul.” Immediately I notice a spot, Razzoo, that looks like its got my number alll over it… I move on not wanting to make my decision to quickly…. and return after a couple blocks and a nod from the red angel on my shoulder telling me, “Yea SON, go with the gut mafucka!”….. SOLD
I find my spot near the back bar, the outdoors section. After ten minutes I link up with three dudes from Chicago who are at this particular bar because their girlfriend is the bartender here. All my drinks for the rest of the night got taken care of. The groups of people that I met after that varied from some chill dudes form Cali, to Brazilian students studying abroad, to a group labeled “Saint Sluts,” and finishing with the bartendars after party squad. SHHHIT SHOW!
Did I mention the Saints won the Superbowl………… thats right, every one already knows that except for my dumbass cab driver. Hahaha
The rest of my eight days in N.O. were basically different variations of day one.
Rested on Monday after a violent display of drinking on Sunday. Went out Tuesday for the Superbowl parade, caught beads thrown by Drew Breese, got great pictures, and ended up meeting an awesome group who I ended up hanging with the rest of the night. One member of this group was the manager of Commanders Palace and he bought my drinks for the rest of the night, introduced me to some really cool people, …. then came the pissing and punching (ask me if you dare).
The excessive partying left me hotel bound for Wed. and Thurs. but Friday I checked out feeling fresh and moved my ish over to an american style hostel, a boarding house. What a totally cool and different experience. Met some fun, strange, different, interesting, and experimental people in the four days I was there. Learned some things about Nahlin’s and stayed there for four days, during Mardi for only 100 bucks… totally worth it.
Southbound
Posted on | March 6, 2010 | No Comments
I leave ATL wanting more. What a great time had, and of course the one night visit was not enough. I head out strong by swinging by The Vortex Bar and Grill to throw back an Elvis Burger before I hit the road. In case your curious, the Elvis is comprised of a third pound burger topped with peanut butter, bacon, and fried bananas. A combination I will not soon forget or order again.. Haha.. Don’t get me wrong, the burger was delicious, but it was a bit over the top. Out the door with full gut a start the ten hour trip.
Good drive, no traffic, good pics, and good places to stop and run Magic. I finally hit Fort Lauderdale around midnight, and BOOM, there’s my second wind. Nothing better to occupy time then catch up with an awesome high school friend, drink silly, talk excessively, laugh deafeningly, and watch the dogs scratch, sniff, lick, bark, run, hump, and lay.
On MINIMAL sleep I hit the Fort airport to pick up a surprise visitor !! With Evie in tow we head straight to the massage parlor for a cool 80 minutes of rubbing. BBQ Jack’s was the mustard on the hotdog. Mini shack with some of the best BBQ food I’ve ever had! Feeling good and full and only a short drive to Palm Beach where the drinking episodes begin. Cousin Elisa and Chandler showed us a hella time bar hopping in Palm. Shots flowed, glasses tipped, and words were slurred. Back to back nights of party time in Palm was the shit, and kicked the shit out of me a little too. Instead of sleep, I chose repeat. Hit Miami hard, hotel on 2nd and Ocean. Shower, shave, SHOTS! Keep the momentum right into the club next door to the Hotel. On a mini rest we head to Key West.
Walks on the beach, moonlight waves, old college friends, warm weather, good people, food, and greenery. After a couple nights it was off to a northern Key to stay with Uncle Brian and Aunt Jude. They always know how to show a great time. Their back yard is an oasis. Pool, rock slide, hot tub, tiki hut, sand, trees, privacy, greatness! My younger cousins took Evie and I on an awesome canoe excursion through the canals and mangroves. Possibly one of the coolest things I’ve done. The mangroves surrounded us and totally linked together over our heads like archways. It got to the point where we abandoned the use of paddles to launch ourselves through the small openings of the canal path. Laying back in the canoe we grab the mangroves and pull through. After about 45 minutes our narrowing path opened up to shallow lake which welcomed fishing, drinking, and life living.
After more great food and sunset watching its back to Miami.
Miami is a scene unlike I’ve ever encountered. I’ve been to Miami tons of times, but never pre-Superbowl. Ocean was completely tapped off for ten blocks. Restaurants extended into the streets that were riddled with people. ESPN tents, news vans, and sponsor huts covered the grass and onto the sand. Open bottle law was non-existent. Right around 5th an enormous stage was built right on the beach, 50 yards from the water, to host three nights of free concerts. It was absolute insanity. Said peace to mama bear, and crushed the scene until Saturday when I headed to Who Dat Nation….
The Magical City
Posted on | February 13, 2010 | No Comments
Had a dope time in South Carolina..
Sent a poor lady over the edge with a shot of Tequila.. she fell down on the dance floor.. J my bad. Ate boardwalk food and was fed to the gills by a small Thai lady who made the best sauce I have ever had. I left SC ready to rock shit in Atlanta!
I linked up with a long-time friend who has shoes that no one can fill. He explains to me how Hotlanta is almost its own Red Light District. “There are strip clubs and massage parlors on corners like liquor stores in DC!” I wasn’t sure if he was exaggerating or not… He wasn’t .. We started our night of at Magic City. If you don’t know what Magic City is, it’s a well known strip club in ATL. I’m there for only one hour and I coin a phrase, was introduced to vacuum butt, and saw girls do things on there head that couldn’t be explained in words. I had the biggest hankering for Jelly and Juice at the same time…. A straight motor boating son of a bitch! Hahaha
My Coined Phrase- “Pop Corn Dollar”
- As I stood in front of Bubbles she was on all fours with her ass doing the wobble-D wobble-D in my face. I threw a dollar on the small of her back and she proceeded to bounce the dollar in the air using her corn-fed god given gift. I threw a couple more up there, and she bounced those in unison with the first like her ass was straight popping Pop Corn.. Hence the phrase “Pop Corn Dollar”
Vacuum Butt-
- So…. J .. As I threw dollars on Bubbles’ sisters back she must have felt one of the dollars fall into the crack of her ass, because before I could blink she caught the dollar between her cheeks. She then proceeds to throw her body into the Yoga “Cobra” stretch and then quickly bends back to the all fours position shooting the dollar out of her ass!! Holy shit.. One word…. Talent
Seriously, there were chicks doing splits across two different parts of the stage with there bodies hanging in mid air like Jean-Claude Van Dam, shaking there ass like a Tip Drill.. And all this happened in less then 45 minutes. If you’ve never been to Magic City, go there, sit back, and remember where you heard it first.
Quick Recap
Posted on | January 24, 2010 | No Comments
* I was sick for a good portion of the first part of the trip… kept me from getting out on time
* New Home Remedy for sickness – Warm shots of Tequila!… I rested for six days with no signs of improvement. On Thursday the 14th, I said fuck it.. Went to Jersey, Jaxx Tour, drank shots of tequila at every bar I went to.. Woke up feeling brand new! Crazy shit
* I destroyed the deadbolt lock in a Dunkin Dounuts bathroom. Keys got locked inside, I trade to help by jimmying the door, I instead snapped the internals of the locking mechanism…. oops. the keys remain inside!
* I went to Atlantic City with a killer crew and naturally made a name for myself… with the bathroom attendant.
* Party with a Dub-C crew the next night. Venue – The Master Chris Phillips’ 3121. At 2:45AM I drove home to ensure I would arrive at the tattoo artists place on time.
* After 2.5 hours of sleep I hop in the Jeep to head for Alley Cat Tattoo. After 3.5 hours I landed three sick ink spots to honor my adventure.
* Home for a few days.. repack, load roof carrier, new tires, one more night of drinking, and final good bye’s
* I’ve been in Myrtle Beach, listening to the waves, keeping warm and loving life.
- On another note… I want Minnesota to win cause I’d love to see Brett win the Superbowl…. BUT! if New Orleans pulls this off, I’ll be in New Orleans for the Superbowl! what what son! Stay tuned
Some heartfelt ish
Posted on | January 24, 2010 | No Comments
This is the “on the real” post….
Its been a long time coming that I actually began this trip.. its funny cuz most people that are local have seen me quite often recently, and all I keep hearing is “are you gone yet?” Well…. yes! I am finally gone! And let me tell you, its all hitting me now.
I’ve saved my money over the years in plans to open my own business.. only to come to the realization that my real destiny was to take my long time earned fortune and turn it into memories, glory, and truth in life. …. Fuck the bullshit.. Life IS short, life is precious, and life will pass ur fuckin ass by in a second if you dont take hold of it. My state of mind may not be exactly like others. But know this.. I will be straight forward, honest, crude, rude, real deal, and even keeled I dont care about what the world thinks should be ones pattern in life. I will make my own path, I will create my own ripples. Why should anyone not be able to grasp what they desire in life? Get ur ass out there and take what you want… and I don’t mean take from someone else.. make it your own way. Be your own person. After leaving VA, knowing that I would not be truly returning until the end of the year, had an emotional impact on me. It’s like, people have been asking me for months, “aren’t you excited!? … How pumped are you!?” But it wasn’t until Friday, Jan. 22 that the actuality of my adventure had set in.. And let me just say,, holy shit! I can’t believe that I am actually traveling the globe for the year. I got some tats before I left. One of the tats represents the quote “If you want to reach for the stars, first you must believe you can fly.” I portrayed this quote in the form a hawk taking flight. As I drove south down 95 I watched the birds flying above me and it gave me chills to think that here I am, taking flight thru my hopes and dreams with a jeep full to the brim with cross-county equipment, a man’s best friend (Magic), and a heart that beats for adventure. I will live for all those that take time to read this blog. In my process of “leaving” I had some wonderful moments with close friends. It is these close friendships that will keep me warm in cold nights, keep me awake when I feel like wasting time with sleep, keep me running to the next adventure when my legs feel tired. Thank you to everyone that has helped make my final months special! I guarantee this, I will fill this blog with stories, jokes, messages, questions, answers, crazy days and long nights. Its on now son… I’ll be in touch world.
The Aftermath
Posted on | December 9, 2009 | No Comments
….. WOW!! I still feel like Saturday was just yesterday! I worked on Monday and I don’t even remember it.. haha. Thanks to every single person that fought the weather and showed up to participate in the Shit Show that was Saturday! Everyone looked fuckin awesome!. Girls were lookin hot, fellas were lookin studly.. I was impressed. You all touched my heart with the outcome.
I’m planning the ‘Welcome Home’ to be a two day event. On Saturday I walked back and forth about twice in the course of four hours. I think I said hello to everybody but I really couldn’t be sure. I only had like three drinks during the party, cause I couldn’t even make it to the bar. But I blacked out, like a good party’er, later on. Next time the party will last a couple days so that I can have time with each and every one of my friends. And have clear memories of it as well Thanx for helping me rock the shit out of that hotel! We definitely stole the night!
If you have any funny memories from the night post them up!!!
Formal Bon Voyage Roast Reunion Pictures Online
Posted on | December 7, 2009 | 1 Comment
Danny Diaz
The pictures from the Formal Bon Voyage Roast Reunion Overnight Shit Show Fiesta can be found on Mike Lesnick’s website below:
http://gallery.mac.com/mikelesnickphoto#100932&view=grid&bgcolor=black&sel=25
Search
About
This is the official blog of Danny Diaz. This will serve as the main hub of updates, information and pictures from Danny as he travels the world.